WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
