Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
