Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
