we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
