Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Let's get the cat blown out
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
