so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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