I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I lost the right to judge tonight
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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