so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
