god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
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I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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