How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
