Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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