He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
