I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
