I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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