Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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