I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Every concussion has its silver lining
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
