i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
