There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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