Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
