I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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