Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
