i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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