Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
