I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
