his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
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Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
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Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
you had me at cake vodka
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!