I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Donâ€™t Know
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.