I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
