i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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