the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
