Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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