the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
