I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i love accidental penises.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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