Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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