and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
