Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
