So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
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my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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