At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I looked at my own cervix.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
