And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
