He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
