After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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