your thong is hanging out like whoa
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
