I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
