my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Houston, we have a blender
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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