Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
