I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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