I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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