my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize