watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
