HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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