I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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