i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
