If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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