Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
