i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
