how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
