i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
