he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
