i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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