It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
