we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
