I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
