She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
